A little bit in love

Looking back I think was
A little bit in love with you
It was never overwhelming
A passion that I drowned in

Yet your presence made me
Feel alive and I shined a bit
Life felt little extraordinary
And without you I lost myself

A bit, just a tiny fragile bit
Of the spark that you added
Returns when I accidentally
Regain your lost memory

Another face in the crowd

You were just another face in the crowd
Before we gathered random connections
And for random moments spent together
Wove few fanciful dreams of togetherness

And after so many years and events passed
As we now lost all connections between us
I guess I'm back to what I was once before
I am again just another face in the crowd

Fifteen Years Still Waiting

Fifteen years ago upon the college balcony
Our young and overenthusiastic drummer
Had set up his drum kit and dusted it twice
Waiting for his bandmates for above an hour

It was on a weekend when college was empty
But fest committee and overzealous performers
Ever active preparing for their minute of fame
But our drummer on top floor was bit impatient

So he called up his then best friend and crush
To vent out his anger and bitter frustration
That his remaining bandmates were so slack
Unknowing that the friend dated the singer

His friend called the singer and they finally arrived
The rehearsals did take place and then performance
But sadly the eccentric lineup for the band didn't last
When drummer soon found about the concealed affair

Years the drummer drifted playing here and there
No lineup ever lasted, no band was ever formed
And he made new friends, over years built career
But the dream remained - of forming a true band

Fifteen years seemed to have passed in a jiffy
Now the drummer set up his kit at own home
And he is now waiting for a jam this weekend
With the same singer who married his crush

Ghost in a shell

I feel that I'm nothing
But a ghost in a shell
And that's how it has
Always been anyways

But so far I never felt
Lost in the trappings
That made up my shell
It's loosened now a bit

Success makes the shell
Stronger and resilient
While it's an utter failure
Which brings the cracks

My dreams and visions
That made up my identity
Reality has now shattered
Now remain compromises

I survived even if the mess
But that reinforces the loss
Of all the things cherished
The broken shell has cracks

This shell which I thought
Was me was an illusion
And through the cracks
I can get glimpses beyond

Of time eternal ever-present
Nullness that ever permeates
Little that remains of myself
Seeking the final dissolution

Fork Ahead

Life going smoothly along

Such narrow straight path

That is was just inevitable

To have splitting fork ahead

Something was to challenge

My direction and speed so far

If I really made any progress

Or was I going round in circles

Not that I found any answer

But fact is the fork is ahead

And I have to navigate a turn

I don’t really have any choice

On the two sides of the path

Lies frightening wilderness

Something I avoided in past

This turn will make me face

Losing Grip

It’s been long since 

I’ve been losing grip

On things I felt I had

My control and choice

Now it seems the grip

I had was an illusion

Was nothing but device

That kept me going on

Now without I feel like

I’m falling into an abyss

Or rather I’m floating

While world rushes past

Nothing makes sense

Enough to hold on now

But may be that’s how

It was always all along

I thought I'd take a break from writing. But that is when the itch has come back... So back again from a small hiatus!

Closing Balance

I'm closing my poetry book,

I think I've written enough!

Enough of pouring emotions -

Of no value in the real world.

Once I wrote poems relentlessly,

Seeking my personal retribution...

Baring whatever within me I'd felt;

For all the pent up emotional hurt.

But now I'm numb and don't care -

The world has wisened me enough.

The pathos of unconscious shadows;

It is no longer what I can ever trust!

As I close my nonsense poetry book,

I get some vivid memory flashes...

Some lost candid smiles and tears -

I'll carry within as closing balance.

________

It's been quite a tumultuous journey with this blog. I think I shared some of my darkest shadows and happiest moments here. Very likely this blog will be lost is the endless universe of the world wide web. Likely that its better that way.

Wishing peace and harmony to all... 🕊🕊

A Sum of Parts

A part of me remained with you
A bit of me that was free to live
And express my innermost self

A bit which broke apart and left
Never to return, but in my dreams
Ever since you had to leave as well

And a part of you remains with me 
A part you never dared acknowledge
A part you left behind to move ahead

A part of you which did resonate
With me when for moments lost
Between us there was no difference

We are but sum of all of our parts
Small bits collected here and there
To break and form as our life passes

Leaving behind

As we move ahead in life

Striving for the very best

Sometimes a steep climb

And going against waves

But in the ruthless pursuit

Ever so often leave behind

Countless discarded relics

Once their purpose served

And we just make it a point

To not ever look back to see

The muddy trail of our path

Try wash off its messy trace

No matter how much one tries

To repress the vivid memories

Past resurfaces in odd corners

Reminding us who we truly are

Stains, splashes and splatters

Are what defines our character

More we embrace what we hide

We earn the harmony of present

Path Less Travelled

There are not many who dare

To take the path less travelled.

Most of us vehemently sit still,

Pursuing comforts till the end!

Those ready to leave burdens

And break the rigid shackles...

Face ridicule thrown at them -

The path less travelled opens.

Where every step brings joy,

And sky above unbound free...

Even if stepped over thorns;

There's smile of acceptance.

The path much less travelled

Is often steep with harsh edge.

But traveller's spirit remains

Ready to face any challenge!

Travellers of path less travelled

Are the ones who inspire always...

Make us question the rigid norms -

Leading us to find our true selves!

The Resignation Letter

It came as complete surprise!
I was under the impression -
Everything was going perfect
At work and with office team.

Until your resignation letter
Just landed up in my hands!
At first I was in pure denial -
It took me bit time to register.

I was desperately grasping;
Trying to find wild reasons...
To make you stay a bit longer,
Which met from you a firm 'no'.

Then for a brief while my ego
Seemed to be quite a bit hurt.
Had I not ever cared enough?
Was what offered not decent?

But it didn't take long to figure -
It's all in vain, there's no way...
And its just so inevitable now,
That I started justifying myself!

Whatever happened was good -
For the future for all the sides.
And time is always there to heal
The wounds of useless attachment.

And after about half a day passed
Since your resignation, I'm smiling...
As I now realise this just how I felt -
Long ago when a loved one had left!

Funny how history repeats itself!
Possibly for the reason to teach us
Lessons which at first time missed -
Another chance to redeem oneself.

Sometimes

Sometimes suddenly out of nowhere
I recall your name, recollect the face
Randomly memories join all the dots
And past hauntingly comes to present

And I feel so much was left to be said 
What'd I tell you if I'd met you today?
The truth I'd be embarrassed to express
Now hairline fading, lost my glory days

By today most of my dreams forsaken
Living like a mouse from my day to day
Trying not to drown in the sea of pathos
But struggling to remain afloat everyday

Then I remember the past brief moments
When unabashed I'd shared my feelings
On bits of paper with lines and scribbles
Which time has now torn to mere shreds

But yes it's true, today when I survive
The waves and tides of the sea of pathos
It's those torn shreds lost forever in time
Which keep me afloat, still alive and safe

The world as it is

I accept the world as it is
Its not for me to change
And any attempt is futile
The world is just as it is

I have gasped and held
To the floating straws
Now its time to go swim
Absolve to the all there is

An awkward poem

This'll be an awkward poem.
I hope you can see beyond it!
If the creepiness puts you off -
Thinking its imaginary will fit.

I was returning from office
One rainy drizzling evening...
Looking from the cab window,
Something made my heart sing!

Completely unexpected behold -
On road, I saw one ex-colleague.
Her hair shorter, much slimmer;
But familiar style and physique.

A split second and car moved on,
But memories lingered long after...
Years back I'd taken her interview.
Poised she replied as she'd muster!

The panel rejected, but I had pushed.
Weak experience but I saw a spark...
Now I wonder if the spark I saw -
Was within me which did I mark?

Biased I was, we hit off from start.
From co-worker to a companion -
Soon I was conversing from heart!
I was a kind senior she leaned on...

But I was nursing a broken heart -
Recovering a breakup from scratch.
And my parents were now up to
Finding for me an arranged match!

A stupid me then contemplated -
With my colleague I'd run away...
Far from the maddening crowds
In melody, our hearts would sway...

But such dreams were shattered,
As she handed her wedding card
Along with a planned resignation!
Soon she'd vanished forever after.

And a shallow me had soon forgotten...
Amidst my projects and amusements.
Until one day returning from office -
I see her on the road for a few seconds.

Another Poem

I had written another poem
Nothing short of an outburst
Emotions pouring from within
Filling up my retribution thirst

Strong opinion and intention
Clouded all creative thought
The poem became a narrative
But truth was completely lost

When I read it now I just laugh
At views once turned me aghast
But it serves as a fading memory
Of the inner turmoil now passed

So I realized an ounce of fact
That sentiments are often blind
To find reality we need a distance
And let go of narrowness of mind

High time

The game is up and it's time
To remove all the makeup
Discard the shallow mask
After acting so well so long

We have forgotten what's life 
It's at death's beckoning when
We all suddenly get to realize
The game's up, its high time

One last goodbye

Our bags were packed and ready
Movers van loaded the furniture
The rented house we are leaving
Is now so empty except with dust

One last check, the empty cupboard
Only some old bills and tags remain
And the leaking tap weeps the same
Last time I lock door and return keys

The last goodbye to the neighborhood 
Never to return, but maybe pass it by
Just like meeting a loved one long lost
Indifference masking befuddled heart

Exactly how I feel now at the year-end
Another year coming to timely farewell
Not knowing what time will bring forth
And we trudge along with fervent hope

Revival

Looking back the rear view mirror
Road left behind is desolate dispair

But we still survived all this way
The vehicle is still running well

So it's high time to rejoice and
Embrace the challenges ahead

Receding memory

Vanished, now no more
The night passes silently
Shadows have receded

No more faint whispers
Thoughts submerged to
Depths of subconscious

Lost in a wild dream
I can sense presence
Diffusing to the air

Vanished, yes no more
Somethings survives
In the negative space

Introspection

Birthdays are the time
To celebrate for most
But it always makes me
Question about myself

Where has my journey
Taken me so far as now
Is there really any gain
Other than my weight

I nevertheless consumed
Copius bit of resources
How much have I so far
Contributed back around

Such thoughts make me
Feel awry and so haywire
Was there a point for me
To ever to be even born

There's not a relationship
That I have fully fulfilled
Be it my parents, friends
Teachers, boss or spouse

In spite the poor record
I have built bit stability
Where I can sit ponder
Not bothered with needs

That is what is positive
Gives hope to overcome
Ruthless grip of my ego
Once rediscover my soul