Poetry to me

All art is meaningless.
Because meanings are
Always so contextual!
But Art aspires for universal.

And strange it is...
What makes it One,
Is also what is its pain
Of being unwarranted.

So is poetry nothing
But the joy of fulfilling,
What was unachievable
In the rigour of real life?

So the performer wears
a costume in bright colors.
And the music behind
Way too loud and jarring!

Is poetry the lion roaring
Under the circus lights!
Yet happy in a cramped cage
Alone in the pale moonlight...

Is poetry the book half read
And buried in sands of time?
Your mind fills in the rest...
The protagonist is you now.

And is poetry nothing but a poem,
Incomplete... waiting for ending lines?

Countdown

Yes the countdown begins
For the epic finale.
No more compromises
There'll be fireworks this time!

No more

I know how it feels,
Because I'm you
And you are me...

The horizon endless...
The sky too high;
Maybe I'll dig below.

To find a place,
To rest my head
And subside...

Waters overflow
Do I hear the wind
Singing to me?

And I finally
Rise up from
The sticky muck.

Float with the clouds...
So light and feathery
And rain my heart out!

And I'm lighter now,
Still floating...
A little more to reach!

Then the endless
darkness envelops me.
And I am one!

I am no more
I am no more
I am no more

Broken glass

When it arrived 
It was sparkling new!
In spite of my fuss
Soon I noticed a crack...

It was mishandled?
Did I hold it too tight?
It leaked but I held on,
And the crack deepened...

In spite of my care,
I had it misbalanced...
A small external nudge
And it fell to the floor!

The glass was shattered;
The broken edges too sharp...
It cut, I bled and I paused...
But the cleaning was essential.

Broken glass can never
Join and be whole again.
The only way is to gather
The pieces and mould again.

In intense unforgiving heat,
Till even the bravest defeat...
And molten fluid again;
Can be mould to a new shape.

Give it time to cool...
To heal, be strong again.
And now it's a new glass.
Stains only adds to it's beauty!

Tonight

Tonight I have grown a bit older,
And the darkness is a bit darker...
But does it really matter?

Tonight I need time away from you
But even more from myself... to go on
But does it really matter?

Tonight I remember the night four years ago
When I slept with a blade, but didn't cut myself...
But does it even matter?

A part of me has died... so much I leave behind
I'll forget, it'll be locked in my heart till my end...
But does it even matter?

The Blessing

In a quiet empty room,

One lonely Saturday...

I suddenly realize

How blessed I am!

The gentle sunlight

Through the window,

Caresses my skin...

Breeze strokes my hair.

And I question,

Am I really alone?

Am I not surrounded

By the divine now!

But it's all so easy

To forget and never

Acknowledge, our gifts;

To find only grief and hate...

Then I realize,

It's also a blessing...

To know your blessing

And see beyond the futile!

Photo by Soumya Kanti Paul

Off course

Been always off course
Life never a straight line...
Skewed and unjustified;
While my profession is to align.

With grids and lines
I bind my work...
While in real life,
Everything runs amok!

Order and symmetry
Pixel by pixel,
Designing per hour
Is what I sell.

While my real existence
Finds meaning behind;
Clumsy brush strokes
And iconoclastic lines.

But between the two traits
There are no conflicts!
Both, sides of same coin;
For one the other exists.

Chaos and order
Are not too different...
The thin line between
Is ultimate attainment!

Nobody

Doing some soul searching
It suddenly dawned upon me;
That I'm actually a nobody
Not to you, myself or anyone else.

Because what do I really have?
All my successes were situational!
So were my failures too,
Without my luck I'd be nowhere.

What about my thoughts
And my deeper feelings?
Well they were delusional
And too fleeting to worth...

Same with my relationships,
All too messed to make any sense.
Even my body is nothing but
A frail boat on turbulent waters!

What do I have? What makes me?
And the answer is nothing
I'm nobody, neither to you...
Or myself.

Photo by Soumya Kanti Paul

I found you

I finally found you!
But you were at a distance...
You have outgrown me,
I am no longer your plaything.

You have grown up now
Found your self, your pride.
Yet you didn't forget me
You answered my call

By not answering...
By hiding behind.
And you ran away,
I know its my fault!

I didn't understand you back then
I was too young, too immature!
But please do know it for sure
It was because of you that I finally grew up.

And I find you again...
But you are still at a distance.
Memories flash past me...
When my eyes open, you are gone!

Photo by Soumya Kanti Paul

Colour Blind

Yes. I'm colour blind.
Because I don't see
The difference,
Between blue and green!

The two colors...
So similar in saturation,
Yet worlds apart
In hues and moods.

Blue is regal and strong
But also most melancholy.
Green earthy and humble,
The colour of life - happy!

Different, yet they are
Not in conflict,
For its the light from sky
That nurtures plants.

Being color blind,
My palette gets mixed...
My sky looks green,
Trees with blotches of blue!

But these external mistakes
Are still forgivable...
What happens within
Is beyond comprehension!

My moods swing from
the melancholy blue,
To the fullness of green...
And I froth like the teal ocean!

A mile and an inch

For you I walked a mile
On jagged uphill slope,
With back breaking baggage.
Yet you didn't have the heart
To move an inch...

I wrote a hundred letters,
A sea of words...
Twisting and turning ideas
Till they meant no more!
Yet you kept silent...

Now when I look back,
I just smile... thankful
That you didn't change.
Thus we remained parallel lines
Never to meet again!

Then I was lost, I got dazed;
Yet I found wild flowers
In the thorny maze...
And the princess on her tower
Locked remained...

Looking down at the
World below, what did she see?
The mighty soldiers?
The blissful village?
Or was she just looking for me?

The Act

It's all an act don't you see?
We are only actors in the scene of life...
So what's the point of all needless anger?
Unless you see that the anger is an act too!

We are all playing roles we are good at
But its only a role, nothing more;
God made his own casting decisions
Let's just stick around till the play ends.

Then we'll all go back, remove make up...
The hero and the villain would chat over drinks,
And laugh at each other's mistakes...
Then say with joy, our play was a success!

I see

I see a narrow dark lane
There's barely any light

Huge tidal waves
Washing me away

Falling into an abyss
Which has no end

And sometimes I see you
Whispering few words

But hard to recollect
When I wake up at dawn

And I sleep again
This time I'm at an empty beach

Hearing the ocean roar
And the wind blows my hair

A faint shadow at a distance
Maybe its you, but doesn't matter

Because I'm here
I am now... I am... I

The Funeral

It's only the funeral
This saturday
I died long ago?

Decorating my tomb
Like an Egyptian pharaoh...
All my belongings saved.

The menu has been planned,
Guest list ready...
Hoping no one bothers the decay!

This brings forth a question...
Why is death so despised and life cherished?
Why can't 'happily ever after' be my death?

Why do we fear darkness?
How can it be evil?
Is it nothing but a complete void?

We all want to fill ourselves...
But our hearts a black hole
Nothing survives, nothing escapes.

So being null is my goal...
But how to reach I have hardly a clue.
My words all futile, I'm grasping in the dark!

A day at a time

I finally reach my goal
Because I'm just floating
A day at a time...

Time just flows
I'm living, I'm breathing
A day at a time...

Back in my sacred zone
Buffered from the world
A day at a time...

There's still so much left
Even without you I find
Every day at a time...

Photo by Harsh Kadam

Dazed and Numb

And so it happened,

I don't miss you any more...

Behind the anger and confusion,

I have become dazed and numb!

The invisible thread that kept tied,

Under all the strain is now torn.

We are no longer under the same sky,

Mine is stormy dark, while yours cleared...

But its needed... I need the rain to wash me,

While you need the bright sunshine to roam free.

I become more like a plant, roots digging deeper

While you a free animal, explore and discover!

Then does it really matter?

All barriers are only physical...

One beautiful star lit night

The restless deer will get lost,

In the densest dark forest...

Where no one ever tread before!

Then looking for shelter

In the mysterious woods,

Find a glorious tree

Standing way apart...

Beneath its gentle branches,

Feel a familiar breeze...

And fall asleep

To the whispering lullaby.

And she would dream,

She'd remember...

The sapling she played with

As a kid and forgot ever since!

But when she'd wake,

The tree would be like every other

In the sparkling sunlight...

You'd forget me and move on.

Never to look back again,

And I'd heave a sigh of relief...

Stretch my arms in the Sun,

And sing my mellow song to the wind...

Photo by Amrita Senapati

In my dreams

In my dreams
I see you a lot clearer.
I see you unmasked,
Not clouded by my desires...

In my dreams, you speak
You tell me the truth;
While in reality the silence
Between us gets deeper.

Slowly reality
Loses its meaning...
Who am I? Where?
What am I here for?

But in my dreams
There is a reason,
I have a purpose...
I know you'd come!

Someday, not too far away...
I'll escape this grey reality,
And reach my world of dreams...
For that, Death you are welcome.

It's raining in our IDC campus... Photo by batch-mate Swati

I am

I am
What I am
My insanity
Is mine
It breaks me
Yet keeps me going
All the same

Darkness falls

Window

I was looking out of the window,
After our basics electronics class...
It was long since I'd given up studies
Except passing semester exams...

There were shreds of paper,
Some old photos someone had torn,
And thrown out of the window...
Some still dangling on the parapet.

I attended class only to get attendance,
My usual seat was at the back corner...
Head down, mind lost in jarring thoughts;
As I'd watch you snuggling up with your boyfriend.

It wasn't always like this before...
Even few months ago, we were great friends,
You'd even wait patiently, while I'd set up
My drum kit for college band rehearsals...

But times change, so do people...
And before I knew you pushed me away,
I was begging and pleading for you to stay...
Then after a failed suicide, I quietened down.

The last few semesters in college
Went in a buzz, we both avoided one another
You knew I wasn't taking it well,
So there wasn't another word uttered...

Recession hit after we graduated,
Our job offers got delayed...
After many quiet days idling at home
I decided to finish drawing my comics...

There seemed no hope anywhere,
Lost and dazed I gave CEED exam...
And viola! I hit the bulls eye!
Series of procedures then IDC admission.

But what was even more strange,
You became a GATE topper too...
And joined Masters in Computer Science
In same IIT Bombay campus!

It felt so weird...
But we didn't talk much again,
In spite of living in same campus...
For the next couple of years!

But it feels good to know
You are doing so well now,
A respected lecturer in our old college...
And a busy home-maker at Kolkata.

Times change, so do people...
And what was so painful in the past,
Now gives me a few good laughs!
I find peace, and my faith is restored.

myself 3rd year engg college at computer lab!

I'm glad

I'm glad it happened this way...
Sometimes you need to get lost to find your way!

I'm glad there wasn't a formal goodbye...
I'll wait and watch the world and time pass by.

I'm glad I totally broke down...
Got time to ponder and listen to the fading sounds...

The echoes and reverberation...
Break my silence, and give me a reason to fight annihilation!

Swan song

With a half finished poem in my laptop, I decide to stop writing poems for now. And it's not a hasty decision... I had started writing inspired by someone, with the objective to vent out my repressed feelings over the years. And I think I just did that, with some repercussions that weren't so pleasant. And it was quite a vulnerable journey for me... Every poem unleashed a lot of emotional turmoil, which lasted for days after I finished writing each one. In fact I still haven't fully recovered from my last poem to say the least...

But then life goes on... And time waits for no one!

The image I placed with is post was the pivotal scene of my alleged first animation short film during my Design course in IDC. I couldn't really finish it to perfection... And this sketch remains to me as a symbol of all my unrequited dreams... Of home, family, love and belonging.

'Home is where your heart is', they say... So true! I think I lost my heart long ago... and am yet to find it again.

Anyways, so while my brief stint with poetry ends... I'll get back to finishing what I had always dreamt of - a trilogy of graphic novels! I had already made my first serious comicbook on Ruskin Bond's 'The Kite Maker'.

Now my plan is to take up a romantic short story by the genius writer Bonoful, before my Swan song - 'Chuti' by Rabindranath Tagore. Shall keep my blog updated with my progress as I go ahead with it!

A day to remember

Yes, It was a day to remember,
I hadn't expected it to be so...
Miracles do happen sometimes,
Treasure comes knocking your door!

I had become such a loner,
Warped in my distorted world...
But a wild gust of wind came and
My stifling shell was upturned!

There was something about you
That had stirred me within,
Made me shed my darkness...
See colours I had never seen!

We'd met only a few times before,
When time seemed to stop its flow...
Hours would pass like seconds,
Before you'd tell you had to go...

But this time it was different,
Although everything now felt so new...
To spend an entire day with you
Was really such a dream come true!

It was only supposed to be for work,
Recording soundtrack for your project.
But as long as you were next to me,
Nothing else really had much effect...

I had just moved into a new place,
A room in a shared apartment with friends,
Located in a quiet neighbourhood,
Meant we could finish recording in silence...

Two days earlier I got my list ready,
Things to move, stuff to buy.
Dusting, scrubbing and washing...
Time seemed to just fly!

Then finally the day arrived,
I was all nervous and sweaty,
But once you came and smiled...
I was completely at ease.

As you entered my world,
My room ushered with a glow!
You occupied my personal workspace,
Work and conversations all went in flow...

And I didn't even realize when...
Sunlight faded, the day was over!
It was getting dark outside
And you couldn't stay much longer...

But thankfully the work was done,
And the editing could be done later...
You were happy at our progress,
To celebrate I strummed my guitar...

Dinner at a favourite restaurant,
And so much more to talk...
We'd never run out of topics,
Be it friends, art, design or rock...

A walk till your nearest landmark,
Then you were gone...
I walked back my four miles,
With a smile that's yet to be undone!

The yellow bicycle

A month after classes started,
Our hostel rooms were allotted...
Then your new cycle arrived,
Its yellow and chrome shined!

At first I was a bit disheartened,
It meant no more lifts or shared auto...
To traverse our sprawling campus,
A mile between hostel and classroom!

But soon it became a symbol of relief,
Seeing it in our department parking...
Meant you'd be there before me,
And classes wouldn't be just as boring!

After classes you'd hop in and fly away
Often bringing back food from mess...
And the hungry hordes back at lab,
Would gulp it down within seconds!

Once I found you all flustered,
Was the bike lost or stolen?
But after a frantic search in campus...
It was found parked and forgotten!

But wasn't always so fortunate,
For once we quarreled, my phone silent...
And then the bike crashed with you,
I was out of reach and you were hurt...

Later how I hated myself,
For being so inconsiderate...
And just not being there,
When you needed me by fate...

When you returned from hospital,
Bandages and broken nail of a toe...
So much pain and anguish,
Few drops of vodka relieved you so...

But you were back on your feet next day,
And the cycle bells rang the same way...
Its been more than a few years since then,
We graduated and the cycle packed away...

Now only a fading memory remains,
Of you and your yellow bicycle...
Bright yellow glowing in the sun
And the shrill ringing of its bell...

My first love

It's hard to recall,
It's been so long ago...
You were 14 and I 15,
Classmates at same school...

To everyone it was an impossible match,
How could the school topper,
Fall for a dreamer, an artist at heart?
Yet we did, and became a school legend!

You were so tall and proud,
The teachers adored you...
But I stooped low... a misfit,
But for my paintings, I was loved too!

I loved your husky voice,
Your humour, your mild perfume...
You topped every exam,
While I struggled to stay afloat...

Years passed,
But our charisma remained...
We were both mysteries,
In our own worlds...

Only with you
I would really talk,
For hours and hours...
While you'd gently nod.

Tough times came,
Board and competitive exams....
I barely managed decent scores,
While you were all India topper!

You went to a premier medical school,
In Pondichery... beautiful campus...
I got into a rotten private college,
But it was walking distance from home.

I sent you long loving letters,
You would reply too...
But one day you lied,
And decided to call it off...

I didn't understand...
I didn't know what to do...
But you were firm,
Yet your voice cracked...

The last phone call,
I told I loved you...
You cried...
And it was all...

Many many years later,
When you were getting married,
Again you gave me a call...
I didn't come... I couldn't stand it at all.

My dear white fairy

My dear white fairy,
Now that you disappeared...
I miss you so very much!

I had read about you in stories,
Seen you in movies...
But never believed you lived!

With your milky white skin,
And your perfect rosy blush
Every time you would smile...

I think I saw you first,
During ragging sessions in college...
You seemed too perfect for me then!

Then I forgot about you
Obsessed with someone else,
Till our common Semantics module!

We were in the same project group!
How excited I was to be together...
And I'd share Norah Jones with you...

You always seemed so ethereal,
Never true... so you remained
A dream, and I faced the blues...

Years later after college,
We are in the same city...
Under the same drab skyline...

It was a Diwali evening,
A gathering at a friends place...
A cook-in and a sleep-in...

We cooked together,
Saw a lovely movie...
That night I dreamt of you...

But no matter how hard
I tried to win your attention,
You never gave in...

Then I gave up,
Someone else came in...
And I lost you forever!

My dear white fairy,
Now that you are gone...
How much I really... miss you!

I used to be fine

I used to be fine..
In my small PG room,
Without a window...

Where sleepless nights
I would pace about the terrace,
Like a ghost...

With my unkempt long hair
Which tangles in knots
Soon to form dreadlocks...

With a job that paid well,
But kept me in a cage,
And shut my mouth...

With my secret crush,
Who would hardly reply
To my emails and sms...

With the ugly mess food,
Coarse daal and wilted rotis
I would never complain...

Till the day you came...
And nothing was the same again!